I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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