If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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