this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
