Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
