Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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