I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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