We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
