The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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