so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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