TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
