Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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