worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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