I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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