i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
