Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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