He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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