my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
