i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
