The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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