i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
