And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
