just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
