you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize