GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
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