Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
