I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
