he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
