1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
