The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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