sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
