so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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