Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
