you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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