He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
