is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
