someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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