You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I enjoy the company of your penis
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
