I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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