would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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