i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
