i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
