I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
