the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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