My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
