I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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