I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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