if i can run in heels then i can drive
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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