Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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