dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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