He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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