Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
