You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
