You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
