it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
