Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
this just has baby written all over it
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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