is wine microwaveable?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
