toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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