I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
