This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
