TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
