Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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