in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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