his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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