He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
