I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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