There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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