I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think i peed on brittanys purse
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize