White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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