Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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