Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
