can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
