Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
