omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
