Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
