No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
