So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I have post one night stand depression
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