That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
