Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
