I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
