A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
