And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I wear drunk well.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
