So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I checked into jail on foursquare
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
