Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize